Here I Am
by sorivroh
Summary: Sequel to "Chances to be Given"...
1. Default Chapter

Here I Am  
Sequel to Chances To Be Given  
Prologue  
Rated: G  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful creator...y'all know that...  
  
~~~  
  
A hand reached up to the touch the warm window. How long had it been since she grazed her eyes on him. She saw him just as if nothing had happened.   
He sat there alone on the table beside the window.   
In his hand was a hardbound book. His face was soft, his attention obviously intent on the way the story was being told.   
His face never showed any emotions.   
Sure, she would catch a small frown now and then…but she never saw his lips curve to form a smile.   
His lips that was so soft and beautiful. Her mouth curved up then, a soft smile forming, contentment showing. Just watching him was enough. But there were so many questions haunting her. It was 5 years ago that he saved her, again. It was 5 years ago that she promised she would be back. And it was 5 years ago that she swore that she would never let anybody make her feel so helpless. It was 5 years ago, that her courage surmounted her fear. But still, she couldn't help but feel afraid that he had forgotten all about that. That he finally gave up on her and moved on to love somebody else. But if it was true, it was something that she knew she couldn't do anything about. She studied him with her blue eyes. But not the same eyes that held innocence and understanding, only eyes that held strength and courage and a coldness that she didn't want to admit. She was tired, tired of feeling sorry for herself, tired of giving pity and chances that only hurt her even more. Sometimes, when she was alone, all she wanted to do was shut her self out from the world and sleep forever. She shook her head and held her eyes on his. Even though he was not looking at her, she could just make out his eyes. They were dark, emptiness enfolding him once again.  
"Did I…?" she shook her head. She didn't want to think about faults anymore, only a way to fix the problem. She took her hand away and took a step back. She hesitated as she looked at him again, flipping the page, his finger moving to support his head. A beep brought her back to reality and she glimpsed her watch that read 5:00 PM.   
"I'm going to be late…Rena will be waiting…see you later, Dare." And she left without even saying "hello".   
  
`````  
  
Darien looked up from his book and out the window beside the door. He's eyebrows formed a frown. For a while now, he had been feeling as if somebody was watching him. He ignored it at first, hoped that no one was. He wouldn't like that at all, he just wanted to be left alone. His eyes roamed freely around the arcade. Nothing, no one…all he saw was the usual costumers and his friend Andrew.  
"Hmmp, I thought so." He shut the book with a thump. Disappointment crawled into his mind. Who did he want to see? What was he thinking?   
The answer was plain and simple; he only wanted to see Serena. He just wanted to hear her laugh and her voice again, at least know that she had made it through.  
He sighed and stood up. He looked around once more and blinked. The hope in his eyes died out, emptiness replaced it instead.  
'All this years, I've been hoping and waiting, Serena. I don't want to give up on you, I don't want to think that you'll break your promise…but it's hard, it's the hardest thing that I have ever held onto. I'm losing hope, and I don't want to…but how can I keep it, when I've seen no sign of you whatsoever? How can I keep it, when each day that passes by…my imagination runs away and I see you everywhere, only to face reality that you're not here. I'm not as strong as I used to be…I was only strong for you, and now you're gone. How can I be strong now?' he let out a deep breath, one that he seemed to be holding as he stood there, staring at nothing, his book in his hand, his other hand molded into a fist.   
People stared at him, wondered what a man like him could be so worried about.   
Andrew worried about him especially…everyday he saw his best friend like this. And he could only imagine what was going on in his mind.  
"Damn you, Serena…not a single man could be as patient as I have been! And I'm running out of it. I can't take this pain anymore!" he whispered sharply under his breath. He strode out of there, holding his head high, his eyes fixed ahead of him. He knew what he looked like standing there for minutes, not doing anything, not even looking away at a spot unknown. He looked like a fool, a mad fool.   
But what did it matter?  
'It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I'm sorry Serena, but…I've talked to so many people, and all they could say was move on. Move on with my life and let fate guide me back to the right path. I can't pity myself for letting you go. I can't keep killing my hopes in search for you. It doesn't matter anymore, because you don't care anymore. You've probably moved on, while I sit around and pout.  
I'm tired…I want my life back. I want to be able to move on.'   
And as the thought cross his mind, he walked out of the Arcade, his hopes for finding Serena and her coming back, died completely.   
'I'm tired of waiting and playing games I don't know how to play.' 


	2. Chapter 2

Here I Am  
Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: um…well, you all probably guess that not all the characters are mine. Some are, I guess, but the Sailor Moon characters belong to their rightful owners. Etc.etc….  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Words in between =l signs means the person is dreaming!  
@-@....@-@ remembering  
  
`````````  
  
= "Darien! Darien, please…help me!" She clung on the ledge of the cliff, her fingers barely holding on.   
He stared at her, shaking his head. Through a watcher's eyes he witnessed what he was doing, and urged himself to help her…but this other man towering over her as she clung for her life; ignored his commands. Instead he shook his head once more and turned away.   
"Darien…No! No! Don't leave me…D.A.R.I.E.N!!"  
As she fell, he glimpsed the tears of hate and fear that escaped from her eyes, and the anguished look of betrayal within her face. He cried out to say "I'm sorry," only to find an empty voice.=  
  
Darien woke up and found himself suddenly jolting up to a sitting position. His hand found a limp head to support, and his eyes found that they could not stay open; yet not even stay close. Every time he blinked; he saw for a brief moment, the girl he had allowed to fall. Still, every time he forced his eyes to open, tears swelled up and forced themselves out.   
'I will not think of you! I will not think of her! It was a dream! A useless dream!" His finger wiped away the tear that slid like a snake down his cheek. He stared at that finger where the moonlight reflected on the wet surface.  
"And tears, what are they but a symbol of fear and weakness?"  
That's what he of them these days, although he knew they weren't. Still it helped him get through the day thinking that way.   
He longed to be the man he used to be; not so afraid to be alone. Yet finding out what love felt like, what happiness it brought him; it was something no man or woman could ever erase from a heart. So finding that man again, was harder to accomplish than it could've been. Maybe in a way, he never wanted to be that way again, but who else was he suppose to be? He wasn't happy, and he certainly wouldn't be...ever again, unless…His face crunched up and he shook his head violently.  
"NO! I will be happy, I will be happy. Time hasn't stopped for me, just because she's gone…just because I've lost so much…"  
'Doesn't mean I have to stop living.'  
He took a deep breath and lay back down. He would sleep now, and he would not dream of her. He would just sleep.  
  
``````````  
  
My dearest Darien,  
  
Once again I find myself sitting behind my desk, a pen in hand and writing a letter to you.   
I've written what I would guess would be thousands of these…I don't know why, what's the use?  
  
I know letters are supposed to be sent…yet every time I want to, I can't.   
I wish I could and somehow find out how you are. Every time I glimpse a sight of you,   
reading away at the Arcade, I'm not sure how you are. Your face is always emotionless,  
and I hate that Darien. I use to always find a smile on your face. Every day we were together, you were the one that made me smile when I was depressed, now I don't know what happened...  
Hmm...no, I guess I do.  
  
Oh Darien, I know I promised to return one day, I remember. I just…I wouldn't know what to say now.  
An apology wouldn't be enough to mend our broken trust, nor would a smile or a...milkshake. For once in my life, I would be speachless.   
To be honest with you though, it was year ago that I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't come back, that I didn't have the right to come back.   
I just don't deserve a man like you, Darien Chiba, I've caused you more pain than happiness. So maybe this is the teenager part of me talking, but I just don't know what else to say.   
  
It's a beautiful night outside.   
The sky is filled with stars twinkling within the moon's light.   
I wish you were here, holding me. I wish you were looking at them with me.   
I wish for many things, but mostly you.  
  
I think I'll stop these letters, they only make me cry. You'll never get to read them anyway.  
  
I love you, Darien Chiba.   
  
Wherever you are, I hope you are in the best of health.  
  
Maybe if fate wants it, we'll meet again.  
  
My hear will always be yours,  
Serena Tsukino  
  
----  
  
She placed the pen down by the small lamp and looked out the window.   
She glimpsed the moonlit night and closed her eyes.  
She was outside, just sitting in the park and breathing in the midnight air. Cars would be passing by, but not too many; just a few family cars going home. She opened her eyes and shook her head. It was too late to be out there and too cold to be alone.   
She turned off the lights and climbed in bed using the moonlight as her guide. Neatly she tucked herself in.  
These days sleep didn't come easy. Sometimes she found herself thinking about Darien, the other times she was worrying about her "patients".   
After finishing her nursing courses she found a job within Tokyo's Children's Hospital, a few blocks away from her apartment. She worried mostly about Jason, an 11-year-old kid suffering from leukemia; he was too young to feel so hopeless. Every time she was with him, she wished that she was only dreaming. The little boy in the bed wasn't really sick, just sleeping in his room, at home. She knew wishing was hopeless, but there was nothing else she could do.   
One time she walked into his room and found him just staring out the window. He couldn't see much of course, just the sky and the clouds slowly passing by.   
  
@-@  
  
"Hey, Jason, how are you feeling today?" she asked him. He didn't bother to look away from the window, her voice was enough to tell him who it was.   
"Well, I guess I could be better, but I'm fine. I don't feel much pain today," he said with a gentle smile.  
Like always she smiled at him, to her he was so brave, like a knight fighting the beastly dragon.   
"What are you looking at?" she asked softly, placing his breakfast on his table.  
"Oh, you know, the same thing that I always look at; the sky. Say, Serena, what's outside my window today?" he asked. Her smiled widened as she moved to stand beside the window. It was a routine they developed; he'd asked her what was outside, close his eyes, and listen to her as she described the scene outside. It was a scene that never stayed constant.   
"There's a family of robins down there, pecking away at the seeds the visitors throw at them. It's strange the way they're not racing to get the food, like pigeons do, you know? Mother robin is gathering a pile of seeds for her babies, and Father robin is just eating away like a father does; watching mother robin lovingly feed their babies," she paused to see if he wanted to say something, when he didn't she continued on.   
"The flowers are blooming quite nicely for summer, the Cherry Tree is blossoming just in time. There's that single red rose growing nicely among the flowers again, isn't that weird? I didn't know rose bushes only bloomed one rose at a time."  
Again she paused.  
"What else do you see, Serena?" he asked softly feeling a peaceful pain.  
"I see a lot of other things, Jason. A little girl and a little boy are gathering up some flowers, and you know what the boy is about to do?"  
"What? Is he going to give the rose to the little girl?"  
"Yup, that's exactly what he did. Haha, isn't that cute, and she gave him a kiss in return."  
Jason laughed behind her, seeing everything in his mind.  
"What else, Serena?"  
"I see people walking, just walking and talking enjoying the outdoors. You know what else? I see a little boy tinkering around with his bike surrounded by his friends. He's one of my patients, and today his cheeks are bright red and he's full of energy. He's a fighter and his determined to get better," She turned and looked at him as she said this. At the same time a tear escaped from his eyes. As she walked towards him to wipe away his tear, a sad smiled passed her lips.  
"Oh, Jason, what's wrong?" she asked him, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at her with tearful eyes.  
"I wish I was out there, Serena, I wish I could." She gathered him in her arms and softly caressed his head.   
It wasn't often that Jason cried in front of her, he always put on a brave front when she was there.   
"Don't worry, the doctor said you'll be able to go home soon. Then you can spend a lot of times with your friends, you'll see."  
She had taken one last look outside before she asked him to eat breakfast.   
All she saw was pavement and a deserted bus stop. Nobody was outside enjoying the good weather; everyone was probably at work or away on vacation.  
@-@  
  
She turned over on her bed and squeezed her eyes shut.   
She wished she could do better for Jason, but she couldn't.   
Sometimes she wondered if she had some healing powers in a different dimension, she'd exchange places with herself then.  
What use was dreaming?  
  
-----  
  
The next morning she got up early, and as always, quickly got ready for work. Today was her last day before she would go on a two-week break. Her supervisors quickly agreed at her request, knowing full well that Serena hadn't asked for any since she started working. She had been preparing another nurse to take care of her "patients" for her while she was gone, her name was Adriana. She was young and just graduated from university, but Serena was sure she would do all right. Hopefully.   
She walked slowly to the hospital, knowing she would arrive early again. It was ironic how that was. Before she was always late, always running to get to places, but how fast things did change.   
"Good morning, Serena," neighbors who saw her called out to her.  
Every morning they saw her walk to the hospital and everyday they chatted with her when she came back.   
It was a small neighborhood, but everyone was respectful and caring. She was glad Dr. Heero introduced her to this place, it was so comforting sometimes when she was alone.  
  
In a matter of minutes she found herself within the hospital.  
"Hey, Serena, you better go to room 315, Jason's asking for you."   
Serena turned to see Adriana come up to her.  
"I'll be right there," She said. Quickly she put her stuff in her locker, and headed with speed to Jason's room.  
"What's wrong, is everything all right?" she asked as she walked in the room.  
Adriana had placed herself on Jason's bed, a sad mask on her face.   
She sat on the other side of the bed and looked at Jason, who had taken off his oxygen mask to talk to her.   
"Dr. Kumiko said I could go home tomorrow, he said I would be able to get out of the hospital for just a few days."  
"That's great," Serena said with a smile, taking Jason's hand and asking with her eyes why he seemed sad.  
"You're going to be gone for two weeks aren't you?" He looked away and stared at his hidden feet.  
"Yeah, I told you that didn't I?"   
"I know, I just…I'm scared I won't be able to say good bye to you when my time is up."   
"Oh, Jason don't talk like that, you have a long time yet, you'll see. You can't give up, you know that."  
"I'm not, Serena, I'm merely accepting where my life is heading. I'm not scared, or sad, because I lived my life the best I could and I made a friend like you. I just feel so tired, that's all, tired and old. Nothing stays forever, everyone, every being sooner or later dies to start anew." As he talked he sounded so far away, older somehow. Not a kid, he never did sound like a kid.  
"Don't talk like that, you'll make me cry. Promise me, promise me you'll still be here or at home when I get back to work."   
Serena cherished the boy's friendship. They were together at least half the day every day. Losing him now was like losing her brother…she had to make sure he wouldn't give up on her.  
"Promise me,"  
"I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, Sere." Jason smiled and squeezed Serena's hand.   
At that moment, he was the older person, the wiser being, and she the child.   
"Just try, I won't hold it against you. I just want to make sure that you know that you'll live for a long, long time. I want you to be that boy, tinkering around with his bike, determined to get better."  
"I don't know, Serena...I'm so scared..."  
"I know, I am too. But sometimes, to get better, you have to face the fear and believe that you will get better. Jason…for me?" By this time, Adriana had started to cry. The scene in front of her was a like a sad movie; on one side was the merciful pleadings of a caring woman, and on the other, was the honest acceptance of child.   
"I'll try," Serena sighed and sobbed, she had been trying to hold her tears, the ones that just came up when she heard Adriana sobbing. She cleared her voice and wiped the tears away. She sighed again and this time put on a big smile.  
"Did you eat your breakfast yet?"  
"Not yet…but first, can you tell me what's outside my window?"  
"Gladly,"  
  
whoa, too much drama isn't it, well probably not? i can't help it, i'm into sad things these days, don't ask why.  
hope it was all right, been in a slump lately and i'm just making this up in my head right now as i go along, have no  
idea where this story is going. 


	3. Chapter 3

Here I Am   
Chapter 3  
  
  
Today on Sailor Moon…well, sorry, I think you have to read on to find out!   
Enjoy, and disclaimer, none of the characters are mine, except for the   
minor ones.   
  
''''  
  
The crowd applauded as the children stepped off the podium. A short,   
bald man walked on the stage and picked up a mike.  
"Thank you everyone for coming, now, we're not done yet! I would like to   
take this chance now to introduce you to the main reason why this   
concert was so successful. She has devoted her life to helping others and   
encouraging children to follow their dreams, no matter how hard it is to   
achieve. Here now, singing to you one of her own songs, is my grand-  
daughter, who needs no introduction…Raye, would you like to come up   
here now. Oh…and while she's making her way here, I would like to   
announce to the beautiful girls out there that you're all welcome at my   
temple! We're selling lots of charm, so if you would like to come by and   
maybe pay me a visit…" Raye, irritation showing on her face quickly   
made it to her grandpa before he could finish. She snatched the mike   
from him and hissed.  
"Grandpa! Uh…please excuse him, he's had too many drinks." The crowd   
laughed and applauded as Raye signaled the band to start. A slow tune   
began, and as Raye cleared her voice, even though it was bright outside,   
a variety of different colored lights showered them all as Raye signaled   
for it's cue.  
  
It seems, like I've got nowhere to go  
And sometimes, there are things I've just got to know,  
When I'm lost and wandering  
No place to hide  
When I'm hurt and crying  
When everyone has lied  
  
It seems like everything is gone,  
My dreams…they all seem to fly away  
And my fears…it seems I can't run anymore  
And all I think about is giving up this time  
And all I want to do is run till I find…  
  
A place worth hiding in  
A place worth wandering  
A place worth seeing, baby  
A place worth calling   
My home  
  
The darkness, it seems to consume me  
And everything is slipping from my grip  
And I've nowhere else to go  
And I've got nothing to show,  
I've got no one anymore  
  
And so I run  
Run away from fear  
Run away from loneliness  
I run, run away from here  
Hoping to find this…  
  
A place worth hiding in  
A place worth wandering  
A place worth seeing, baby  
A place worth calling   
My home  
  
A place worth hiding in  
A place worth wandering  
A place worth seeing, baby  
A place worth calling   
My home  
  
And I just hate myself  
'Cus I have given up  
And I know that if I tried  
I'd be surprised,  
Cus I know I'd find  
  
A place worth hiding in  
-if tried  
A place worth wandering  
-if I stopped  
A place worth seeing,  
-if looked  
A place worth calling,  
-if I wanted  
My home  
  
The music stopped and the audience applauded, tears in some eyes.   
Raye smiled and took a bow.  
"I'd like to thank everybody for coming out here to support Tokyo's   
Children. I hope you've all had a wonderful time. Take a bow children,"   
she said softly as the children, sick and healthy, walked on the stage and   
took a bow.  
"Well, Darien, are you still sorry you wanted to miss this?" Lita asked   
Darien as they stood up like everyone else. "The first performance is   
always the best you know,"  
"Yes, I know. I really didn't mean what I said this morning; I was just   
cranky I guess. Sorry guys."  
"It's okay," they all mumbled in forgiveness.  
"I guess Raye is going to be busy all day?"  
"Yeah, this isn't over yet you know." Mina folded up the blanket, tucking   
her hair behind her ear. Amy waited silently, watching Raye as she   
chatted with the children. Everything seemed to be perfect, especially for   
Raye. She was singing, composing her own songs and she was instilling   
dreams within people. She turned her attention then to Lita, chatting   
non-stop with Darien about world issues now.   
"This war is out of hand, Darien, innocent people don't deserve to be   
blamed for something they never had anything to do with. For one thing   
that's murder…" Lita turned out to be a teacher, a well respected teacher   
since she was always telling her students not to depend on people every   
time, but to try to protect themselves as well. She was always nice and   
fair, because she, out of all of them, understood what teenagers these   
days were going through. Mina finished packing up, humming Raye's   
song to herself now and then.  
"Ready to go guys, where to?" Amy focused on her for a while and   
smiled. It was surprising how no one was flocking to see the famous   
Sailor V character after she had revealed it in television. She guessed it   
was because everyone in Tokyo all ready knew her, with her connections   
and everything. It never surprised them though where she ended up.   
They always knew she was going to be a star. Amy herself was still   
aiming to get her Doctor's degree. She would only be here for the   
summer as she was studying in America. She only had a few more years   
to go, excelling in all her classes and taking in some summer classes.  
"How about we go get ourselves some shakes?" Mina suggested, gulping   
loudly to describe her thirst. The others snorted and hesitated in nodding.  
"We should go tell Raye where we're going," Darien said looking over at   
the direction of the stage.  
"Ah, don't bother, she all ready knows we're going to ditch her after.   
Besides, she's probably busy preparing the children for another round,"   
Mina said in a matter-of-fact manner.  
"Are you sure?" Amy asked.   
"I'm pretty sure, come on let's go." They waved at Raye, even though she   
didn't even notice them leave. She didn't expect them to stay since she   
was going to be busy for a while.   
They all cramped in Darien's small car, where a few hours ago he had   
been gripping the stirring wheel so tight that his knuckles had turned   
white.  
"Okay, maybe Andrew will be there checking on the store," Darien   
thought our loud.  
"Wouldn't that be something, I haven't seen him in a while you know."   
The others groaned as Mina commented. Mina and Andrew had started   
dating a few months ago, it wasn't because Andrew wanted the attention   
of dating a star, it was because Andrew really liked her. The feeling was   
mutual.  
"You know what, maybe we should try a different place…"  
"Don't you dare, Darien Chiba!" Amy, Lita and Darien burst out laughing.  
"Andrew, here we come," Darien joked as he pulled out of parking and   
onto the road.  
  
''''''''''''''  
  
Serena hugged herself as the cold night air cut through her thing coat.   
"Brr…why didn't I bring a thicker coat?! Well, because you thought it was   
going to be warm tonight, duh." She laughed at herself and looked down   
the street.   
People was still outside chatting with their neighbors or their family…she   
looked away and turned her gaze to her shoes.  
After all this time she regretted not stayed in touch with her family, even   
though she had said she would.   
'This vacation was for you, Serena, to make everything as right as they   
could be. To make amends and finally find peace."   
Mechanically she worked her way up to her apartment building, up her   
apartment and into her room. She took out an old address book and   
picked up the phone. She picked out the name and dialed the number.  
One ring, two ring, three…  
"Konnichiwa, Tsukino residence, how may I help you?" it was her mother   
that picked up, her soft gentle voice still merry and cheerful.  
"Yes…I was wondering something, is it all right if I come home for a   
while?" It was a dramatic experience, she didn't bother to keep her tears   
back. Maybe it was all happening too fast or she was taking it too fast,   
but…she wanted some peace.  
"Who's this?" Her mother's breaking voice sounded on the other line,   
hope being held back.  
"It's me, mama, Serena."  
  
'''''''''''  
  
Okay, that's it for now. I'm trying to make a pattern where one chapter is   
mostly about Serena, then the next Darien and so on. I hope it was all   
right. Also, the song is mine, I'm not much of a song writer as you could   
see, but just imagine it was really dramatic and all. Thank you.   
Comments are welcome and i guess so are flames 


	4. Chapter 4

Here I Am  
Chapter 4  
  
Serena opened her eyes as the alarm clock signaled for her to get up. It   
was 8, her curtains were drawn close and the room remained dark. She   
didn't feel comfortable leaving them open sometimes for some reason.   
She got up and pushed them aside, squinting her eyes as the sunlight   
came through. She sighed and headed for the bathroom, anxiousness   
seeping in as she realized what her plans were for the day. She looked at   
herself in the mirror with a blank expression in her eyes. The reflection   
was so strange to her, so old. Taking a deep breath she looked away   
then ran a bath and stepped in. She closed her eyes and stepped far into   
her memories.  
  
=@=  
  
"What have you got there, Serena?" a little girl, her short hair pinned   
nicely into two buns looked up at her mother. She held out her hand and   
prided in the butterfly that lay motionless, but alive. Its wings   
were beautiful, consisting of many different colors.  
"It's beautiful, honey," her mother said giving her a gentle smile.   
"Can I keep it?" she asked her eyebrows going up and her face crunching   
up, an expression she always used to get what she wanted from her   
mother. Her mother laughed at her softly but shook her head.  
"You know, a butterfly deserves to fly. If you were a butterfly, would you   
want to be caged up and prevented from flying wherever you wanted to   
go?" The little girl hesitated for a moment and thought about it. Then she   
shook her head and replied, "No."  
"Exactly, so, I think it would be better if we let it fly. What do you think?"   
"Well, okay!" she petted the butterfly lightly, and then whispered good-  
bye. She threw her hand up, but the butterfly clung on. She did it again   
but it didn't want to leave.  
"I think it's scared, mama. What do I do?"  
"Here, let me," Her mother ushered the butterfly to her finger; something   
that she knew it wouldn't like, and as she predicted it flew away.  
"There you go," she whispered.  
"Bye butterfly!! Be free!!" the small girl shouted to it, waving her arms   
high.   
  
=@=  
  
Serena jolted back to reality as the water began to turn cold. Realizing   
how long she's been in the bathtub, she climbed out, wrapped herself in a   
towel and drained the water. Walking back to her room, she prepared   
herself for what was to come, something she regretted not doing earlier.  
  
The taxi pulled up beside a small homely house. Behind the gate was a   
beautiful garden, filled with a variety of flowers. Seeing it after many   
years, Serena almost felt like crying. She couldn't imagine now, how   
changed everything must be. She sighed, took a deep breath, and began   
towards the open gate and to the door. A few seconds later, an old   
woman stood in front of her. Her hair was neatly French braided in one   
long braid, her old eyes squinting to see the familiar face.   
"Serena…" she took a step toward her daughter, and then wrapped her   
arms around her as if she was a fragile child.   
"Mama," For a few seconds they stood like that, embracing each other   
and savoring the moment. How long had it been since they were like   
this? It was as if time wound itself back to the past, and there a small   
child and her mother clung to each other in fear they will lose one another   
again.   
"Come in," she said after a while. Mrs. Tsukino closed the door behind   
them, and watched as her daughter came through the open living room.   
She observed the surprised look that passed in her daughter's eyes.  
"Nothing much has changed, you know how much we like to keep things   
just the way they are," she said knowing to a great degree that her   
daughter was amazed at the fact that nothing was moved since she came   
last.   
"Sit down, would you like some tea? Cookies maybe? I just made a   
batch; they're fresh out of the oven. Or would you rather have some   
lemonade? It's a little hot for tea today…" Serena chuckled and shook her   
head from side to side.   
"You don't have to serve me, Mama…"  
"Yes, yes I do." Serena was taken back; she hadn't expected her mother   
to say that. She looked away and took a seat. Her mother cleared her   
throat.   
"How…how have you been, Serena?" Mrs. Tsukino timidly said, finally   
deciding to sit across from her daughter. She folded her hands on her   
lap, and stared blindly outside the window.  
"I've been good,"  
"And your husband?"   
"You didn't get it?" Serena snapped her head to look at her mother, fear   
creeping at the back of her mind.  
"We got it, Serena, we signed it for you…we told them you were too sick   
to go to court or anywhere. They believed us, barely," Her mother   
paused. "You were suppose to be here, weren't you, Serena? Why didn't   
you just come back?"  
"I wanted to," she looked at the ground, at her foot. "I wanted to so badly.   
Yet I couldn't, I couldn't do that. I didn't know how you were going to   
accept me back in, when I chose him over you. I had to change my   
plans."  
"You didn't try?" Her mother's eyes glazed over cold.   
"I couldn't," Serena, whispered unable to look her mother in the eye. She   
heard a sigh, then her mother's words.  
"I guess it could be our fault, we did nothing to change your mind. We   
threw you out instead."   
"Oh no, please don't blame yourself, no one is to blame but me." Her   
mother said no contradiction, just silence. "It's in the past now, anyway."   
Serena was near tears. She hadn't expected her mother to be this cold   
towards her. When they embraced, she thought it meant everything was   
forgiven.   
"I'm sorry." Silence answered her again. It hurt, more than Alec could   
ever have. She let the tears fall, but hid them from her mother, turning her   
head away and allowing her hair to cover her face. Sounds of cars and   
neighbors filled the air. For a few moments, it was all that was heard in   
the room.  
"I guess I better be leaving." She waited for an answer, and upon hearing   
silence yet again, she stood up. Her tears had dried up, leaving trail   
marks on her cheeks. She hesitated one more time, hoping, then headed   
towards the door.  
"No, it is our fault. We made you marry him, didn't give you any   
ultimatum. We just wanted the best for you, I want you to know that. And   
how…" Her mother took a breath. "And even now, even as I sit here in   
silence, I want you to know, that you're always welcome. You shouldn't   
be saying sorry to us, Serena. We should be the one apologizing to you."   
This time, it was her silence that filled the room.  
""What lies behind us, and what lies before us is of tiny importance. What   
lies in front of us, it's precious." …There is no need for an apology   
anymore." She motioned to get her slippers.   
"Stay a while longer, for dinner at least. Your Daddy would want to see   
you."   
"I know, I'll be back. I just need to go for a walk."  
"Can you leave your stuff here? I don't know but, I'm kind of scared you   
won't come back."   
"Okay,"   
"Oh, Serena?"  
"Hmm?" The older woman got up and walked towards her daughter.   
There was a hopeful look in her eyes, and a gentle smile on her face.   
"I should've let you fly," Her arms came around her daughter and held her   
tighter than before. Tears fell from her old eyes, as Serena closed the   
door behind her. Before she left though, she said with sureness,  
"I'll be back in a few hours, just in time for supper. I promise."  
"We love you,"   
"Thank you for accepting me back, mama. I love you too."  
  
A warm breeze greeted Serena as she stepped out of her old house. She   
smiled contently, feeling that if she died now, she would be okay with it,   
except for one other reason of course. She turned on the corner and   
looked around at the old neighborhood. She was glad of the unchanged   
scenes, everything was still the same. It made it feel like time had   
stopped just for her, just so she wouldn't feel lost.   
She had no idea where to go, so she allowed her legs to take her   
wherever. It didn't matter, she was in no hurry to get anywhere. She just   
wanted to go for a walk. The day was beautiful, the sky was cloudless   
and the sun shone with intense energy. She looked at the watch on her   
arm and read 10 AM.   
'It's pretty early, I think I'm going to visit someone. Now, let's see, where's   
that address book." She opened her purse and searched for the small   
book containing Jason's address.   
'Aha, here it is. Let's see…well, that's not far from her, that's just around   
Juuban Park.' We've got a destination. I wonder if he's awake yet. I   
guess I'm going to find out.'  
  
She ran the doorbell and waited patiently for someone to answer. A   
young face greeted her this time; it was Jason's mom.  
"Serena, hello. Come in. Come in. Well, we weren't expecting you to visit   
us quite so soon."  
"Ally, how's Jason?"  
"Oh, he's fine." She answered, making room for Serena, picking up some   
toys and dirty clothes. "I'm sorry, it's such a mess, and everyone was   
here last night celebrating Jason's good health. We thought we'd leave   
the mess till today. Please, sit down. I'll just put this away, Jason's in his   
room getting ready. I'll be back." Serena chuckled to herself, took a seat   
and looked around. It was a big enough place for a small family. The   
room was certainly comfy, with pictures decorating the walls.   
"Would you like something to drink?" Ally popped said from inside.  
"No, that's all right. You mentioned that Jason was getting ready? Did I   
catch you both at the wrong time?"  
"Oh, no, not at all! Jason's part of that concert going on today at the   
park…um, I'm not sure if you know about it. Anyway, he's on later today."  
"A concert?"  
"Yes, a lady from…ugh, what's that Temple called? Anyway, she's   
gathered a fundraising at the park. Everyone from the hospital, who was   
well enough to go was invited."  
"Concert? Oh, yes, I think I heard Adriana mention that once before."  
"Yes, well, would you like to come with us? Jason would love it!" Ally said   
coming back into the room. Her small size made her look so young. Ally   
well into her 30's. A single mother, working two jobs to pay for Jason's   
hospital stay and medicine, Serena often found herself pitying her. She   
never wanted to, she knew no one wanted pity.   
"I'd love to,"   
"Great, make yourself at home, I'm going to get Jason, I'm sure he's   
ready by now. Jason!"   
Jason materialized from a room nearby and posed for his mother, unable   
to see Serena from where he stood.  
"How do I look, mom?"  
"Oh, you look wonderful dear. Come here, guess who's coming with us?"   
"Who?" Slowly he made his way to where his mother was. A huge smile   
replaced the timid one he had a few seconds ago when he saw Serena.   
"Serena!! What are you doing here?" He made to run to give her a hug,   
but knew better not to. Instead he signaled for her to do it instead. Serena   
laughed and came over to him, gathered him in her arms and gently   
squeezed him.   
"Well, I was in the neighborhood. I heard you were performing today."  
"I sure am, and I heard you were coming."  
"I sure am,"  
"Let's go!! I am so excited!"  
  
To Serena everything happened so fast. They got to the park, joined the   
audience and listened attentively to the concert. When Jason came on,   
she cheered loudly, not caring if everyone was staring at her. It was a   
beautiful song. When they finished, they stayed till the end, allowing her   
to hear Raye's song.   
  
A place worth hiding in  
-if I tried  
A place worth wandering  
-if I stopped  
A place worth seeing,  
-if I looked  
A place worth calling,  
-if I wanted  
My home  
  
"Was she the one to organize this concert, Ally?  
"Yes, that's her, she's a really nice woman for doing this. Jason enjoyed every   
minute of it, I know he did."  
"I think he did too."  
"Come on, there's another concert tonight, for anyone who missed it. Everyone is   
still excited, I'm sure they know how good they were. I really want to talk to, Raye   
though."  
"Can I come with you?"  
"Of course, I wouldn't leave you here." Serena smiled and followed her friend's   
suit.   
'Well, it's now or never.' 


	5. Chapter 5

Here I Am  
Chapter 5  
  
"Raye!"   
"Ally!" Two women walked towards one another and embraced, while another   
stood a little away from them to observe.  
"Jason's around here somewhere, he was just talking to me," The   
raven-haired woman proclaimed, looking around at the crowd and searching   
for Jason's familiar face.   
"Haha, well, you know Jason. He's probably just mingling with the crowd,   
I swear, since that child left the hospital he hasn't been the same!   
It's as if he's develop a new appreciation for life." The two shared an   
amused smile.  
"Well, it would be hard to believe if he hadn't,"  
"True…oh, how rude of me." The one known as Ally spun around and searched   
for the other woman. When she found the familiar face, she stepped   
towards her and pulled gently on her arm.   
"Raye, I'd like you to meet…" she started, only to be interrupted by   
her friend.  
"Serena…"   
"Yes, you two know each other?" She looked from one face to the other,   
unsure if she should be surprised that the two knew one another.   
"Yes, we do," Serena said. It was then that Serena and Raye found themselves   
alone at a corner of the stage. Raye held Serena's hands in hers, giving   
enough strength into it so that if her long time friend decided to run again,   
she would be able to pull her back.   
"This is weird," were the first words that came out of ber lips. Serena could   
only nod, anxiety and fear gnawing at her.   
"Well, so tell me, how have you been, Serena? It's been such a long time…I   
mean…well, you know what I mean. Tell me, what have you been up to? …   
How's life? …. Anything, just say something!"   
"I've been good, life's been okay, and I really don't know what to say,   
right now." Raye sighed, looked around, and wondered about what she   
should say next.  
"It's really nice what you've done for these kids," Serena said softly to   
her friend. She meant it, and right now she wanted to be serious, like a   
grown up. She didn't want to seem foolish right now.  
"Huh?" Dark eyes fell upon Serena's face. There was an unknowing question   
within her façade, loneliness and fear. It hurt Raye to look at her long   
lost friend. She turned her face away and focused on a different spot   
instead. "Yes, well…you know how I love kids, they deserve this; the chance   
to forget everything gone wrong in their lives, a chance to live a dream   
and feel free of sickness, of the doctors, the hospital."  
"Hmm, do you do this every year?" Serena asked, leaning against the stage,   
allowing Raye's hands to fall short of reach.   
"Well, whenever I can, not so much every year, as I want to. Sometimes it's   
not possible because too many children are sick, or too weak to be part   
of it, so we change the dates, and most of the times things aren't possible   
until the next year. We just want as many kids to be part of this, that's   
why we created something like this. But tell me, Serena, how do you know   
Jason and Ally?"  
"Jason's one of my patients,"  
"Are you a doctor?" Raye couldn't help but sound astounded. Serena frowned,   
but shrugged it off, or so it seemed.  
"No, I'm his nurse, I'm not good enough to be a doctor. Jason and I, we've   
gotten close since he first came into the hospital. In fact, I can't help   
but feel like a big sister towards him."   
"Yeah, well, Jason's a great kid, he's a fighter, that's for sure at least,"   
They exchanged smiles, then avoided looking at one another again. It was   
obvious that there was still awkwardness between them.   
"I think maybe I should be going now, leave you to prepare for your night   
concert," Serena said, looking down at the ground.  
"Hmm," Raye could only nod at the suggestion. She didn't know what else to say.   
She watched as Serena straightened and turned away.   
"Before you go, Serena, I want to say…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for messing up your   
life. I'm not sure of the details, just the bits that Darien told us about   
your life with Alec. I can't help but feel that I'm responsible for everything."   
Tears crept up into Raye's eyes.  
"Well, why should you?" Serena asked calmly, stopping, but not bothering to   
turn around. Raye started to bring her hand up to Serena's shoulders, only to   
freeze in midair and drop back down beside her.  
"It was my idea that Darien not tell you about our kiss and the play. We weren't   
getting along, as you know, you and me. I was always saying things like,   
"I don't know what Darien sees in you." I know it seemed like I'd do anything   
to have him, I'd do anything to make him mine, and I'm sorry for that. I would   
never have done that, ruined our friendship because of a guy, and Darien, he would   
never have allowed it. When you came and saw us, we were surprised, but we also   
hoped that you would listen to the explanation. We never thought you'd run away;   
marry some guy and leave. And I'm so sorry, I really am." Serena could hear the   
breaking of Raye's voice, she imagined her crying, and holding onto the stage for   
support. When she turned around, she was surprised that it was true.  
"Oh, Raye," she walked towards her friend and gathered her in her arms. "I don't   
know why it hurt so much, I guess betrayal is something that's worst than feeling   
pain. But it was a long time ago, the past, it's the past, it's unchangeable.   
Life can't be spent wallowing in it. I think I've never blamed you, never blamed   
any of you. It was me; I blamed myself. But there comes a time in life, where   
we have to move on, accept the way things are."  
"But why should we? Shouldn't we fight to change things, because that's what I   
wanted to do, find you and change the way things were. Life was miserable   
without your bubbly self. Oh, if you only knew."   
"Shh, let's forget about it okay? It's easier said than done, but it goes with   
what you say. We fight to forgive, and that's what makes us the winner."   
"Yah," The two held onto each other for a few moments of life. As they parted,   
they smiled at one another, an unspoken forgiveness passing between them.   
"Hey, don't be a stranger, okay? I don't know if you want me to tell the   
others…do you?" Raye asked timidly.  
"I'm scared to see all of you, I don't know why, but I think I'm going to   
find myself here, watching the sunset every night. If fate wants it,   
we'll all be watching the sunset together."   
"I understand,"  
"I'll see you around, Raye,"  
"See you later, Serena." A warm breeze played with Raye's hair, blowing it   
in her face. She placed the tendrils behind her ear, as she watched the   
small figure of Serena walk away from her. Could it be, that things are leading   
to a happy ending? Finally?  
  
A scene flashed before Serena's eyes as she walked slowly away from her long   
time friend. It wasn't a memory; perhaps it was just something she's always   
dreamed about. It could have even been a premonition, because as she walked   
slowly away from Raye, it was as if time stopped and she was in a different   
part of her life.  
  
== "Mommy! Daddy's home!!" A little girl of 4 ran up to her and pulled   
gently at her apron.  
"Honey, I'm home!" A man's voice came from the door.  
"We're in the kitchen, Darien!" She shouted back at him, pushing her child   
to greet his father.  
"Uh-oh," he heard her husband say, chuckling to himself. ==  
  
It wasn't long that she was back to reality.  
'What would life be like now if I had never made such a stupid mistake? Would   
we be married, Darien? Would we have children? Would I be with all my friends now?'   
"Hey, Serena! Are you going home all ready?"   
"Huh? Oh, hey, Jason. Yeah, it's getting late, and I promised my mom I   
would be home by dinner time."   
"Oh, okay. I understand. I'll see you later then?"   
"Yeah,"   
"Oh, and Serena?"   
"Yeah, Jason? Thanks for coming," Jason smiled softly at her, and grabbed her   
waist, giving Serena a timid but strong hug.  
"Haha, you're welcome. I'm glad I came at the right place, at the right time."  
"Me too, see you later!" He squeezed her one more time before he ran off   
waving at her, a blush on his cheek.   
"Childhood…everything seemed right then…oy! Why am I getting so depress.   
Must get home…how do I get home? Bus…right, where is the bus stop?  
  
''''''''''''''''''  
  
Darien positioned himself down on the couch, sighing deeply with fatigue.   
Throughout the day he drove the three women to places like the arcade, the   
mall…it was exhausting. He didn't think the day would end. He wasn't   
surprised that they were still acting like teenagers; he figured it was the   
result of a mid-life crisis type of thing. He laid his head down against the   
back of the couch, closing his eyes. The day seemed long, and now all he felt   
was emptiness and exhaustion. The kind of exhaustion an old man who has seen   
everything feels. It was a feeling he was not a stranger to, but it was a   
feeling he never quite understood. Because it was all he felt, emptiness,   
no anger, no depression, nothing, just emptiness alone by itself. He often   
wondered how people could feel empty, when there were millions of emotions   
always being felt, always has to be felt. The phone rang, startling him. He   
went slowly to it and brought the receiver by his ear.  
"Hello, Darien Chiba," He said automatically.  
"Darien? Guess who?!" It didn't take a genius to know who was talking on the   
other end. It was the annoying voice that haunted him since he met her. He   
rolled his eyes, and sighed deeply now with even more frustration. He didn't   
know why she rubbed him the wrong way, she just did.  
"Kim, hi." Kim Kinowa; sure she was beautiful, but she was also deadly annoying.   
He met her at the Arcade while reading one of his books. She just came up to him,   
and apparently was admiring the book he had in his hands. He was too nice to   
ditch her, so he asked her to sit. She acquired her phone number somehow; he   
figured Andrew must've given it to her, because he never did that's for sure.   
After that first meeting, she was waiting for him every afternoon after work,   
sitting at his usual table. She'd wave him over, and sometimes even brought her   
own book. He knew she never read them though, he often found her staring at him   
while pretending to read, even though her book was upside down. It was annoying.   
"Darien, be more enthusiastic! Come on now,"  
"Okay, hey Kim!! Wow, I've missed you!" He said with sarcasm. She laughed on the   
other end, amusement in her voice.  
"Okay, okay, I get the point."   
"Look, Kim, tonight's not a good night," he said nicely.  
"Well, which one ever is? Listen, I was just worried about you, haven't seen you   
reading at the Arcade lately…"  
'I wonder why?'  
"…I was just seeing if you were okay, or sick."   
"I'm fine, I've just been preparing for a vacation, you know."  
"Right. So, feel like doing anything tonight?" She said with a childlike innocent,   
which was still annoying to Darien.  
"Kim…"  
"Yes, I know, tonight's not a good night, okay I get that. Fine, I'll just keep you   
company over the phone. Guess who I saw today at the mall?" Darien sighed once again,   
and decided to just give it up, because she was certainly not going to accept   
the fact that he didn't want to talk to her.  
"Who?" He said.  
"My old friend Sammy! Man, I haven't seen her for such a long time. Apparently…"   
'So, this is what has become of my life. Wow, could it be any worse?'   
For an hour, he listened to Kim talk about what she did all day, about her friend   
Sammy, about this diamond necklace she saw at the store…he almost fell asleep, if   
her voice weren't so high that it was annoying to the bone.  
When he finally hanged up, he was half asleep.   
"I'm so tired!" He looked at the clock.  
'10 o'clock.' He pulled himself to his bedroom, dropped on his bed and gathered   
himself into a ball. His eyes quickly closed, and his breath quickly slowed.   
In moments, he was fast asleep.  
  
~@~@~ (Dream)  
  
He was at the Arcade, reading at his usually table. He looked around, but there   
were no sign of Kim. He looked at the book he was reading,  
'A Walk to Remember…interesting.' He frowned; knowingly confused that he had such   
a girl book. He turned his attention away from it after a few moments and decided to   
see what time it was. He saw no clock to tell him the time, but from what he saw,   
it was late in the afternoon, and the place seemed deserted. At the counter there   
was Andrew. It was a part time job for him, after the real work, that is, he'd work   
here. He was usually talking to a costumer, Mina most of the times, but today she   
wasn't there. Instead, Darien found himself looking at a woman, well, her back and   
her short blonde hair. He turned back to his book, but his curiosity seemed to   
have gotten the best of him, and he found himself walking towards the two of them.   
Andrew looked up and smiled, as he dried the glass in his hands.  
'Hey, Darien, how's the reading going?' he heard his best friend ask him.  
'Uh…great?'  
'A Walk to Remember, huh, interesting.' Andrew said without even glimpsing at the   
cover of the book. Darien's frown deepened.  
'Who is your friend, Andrew?' Darien found himself asking.  
'Darien, this is Serena Tsukino…' He snorted, it couldn't be Serena, Serena had long   
hair, meatballs, and…he turned to look at the woman sitting beside him.   
'Hey, Darien.' As he looked at her eyes, eyes as blue as the sky, he knew it was   
Serena. But how could his dream of her be like this? He looked around once more to   
make sure that no monster were coming towards them, only to find the same scene he   
had first experienced.  
'Hi,' He said in return. The scene changed, he found himself sitting at the top of   
a hill, holding her hand, watching a Meteor shower.   
'It's beautiful,' she said, looking up at him. She placed her head on her shoulders.  
He could feel her breathing softly, squeezing his hands.  
'It is,' It seemed like he was watching this from afar, like a stranger hiding   
behind a tree. He saw the two of them smiling, happy, in love. He wasn't   
experiencing it, but he was seeing it happen. Somewhere, from afar he heard   
an ambulance. He turned to look, but…  
  
~@~@~ (End Dream)  
  
He found himself in his bed staring at the ceiling, wisp of sunlight breaking through   
the gaps between buildings nearby. He was aware of the ambulance below him, and   
understood that that must've been what woke him up. He sat up, stepped out of bed and   
opened his balcony door. Stepping out, he watched as the sun made its first appearance,   
yet again. He felt strange. He never had a dream like that before, not since…a long   
time. Dreams usually haunted him, she was usually angry, asking for his help, leaving…  
never beside him or holding his hand.   
"What does it mean…If it even means anything at all." He breathed in the air, and went   
back inside. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.  
"Hey, Liz, wow you're there early…yeah, I was just wondering if I'm starting my vacation   
yet…good…were they really?…Well, I guess there's a first time for everything…yeah, not   
planning on going anywhere, just thought I would spend time alone at home with my books…  
haha, am I?…How about you, are you planning on taking a break yourself?…I see, well,   
don't work too hard…Tell Terry, thanks and take care of my clients…right…okay, bye."   
He hung up the phone, and started the day with a run.   
  
---  
  
Well, I know this story is getting messed up. But I'm just intent on finishing it, even  
thought it's not at its best. I'm just so busy lately! I'm sorry everybody. 


	6. Chapter 6

Here I Am  
Chapter 6  
  
Wishing on a dream that seems far off  
Hoping it will come today  
Into the starlit night  
Foolish dreamers turn their gaze  
Waiting on a shooting star  
But…  
What if that star is not to come?  
Will their dreams fade to nothing?  
When the horizon darkens most  
We all need to believe there is hope  
Is an angel watching closely over me?  
Can there be a guiding light I've yet to see?  
I know my heart should guide me but  
There's a hole within my soul  
What will fill this emptiness inside of me?  
Am I to be satisfied without knowing?  
I wish then for a chance to see  
Now all I need   
Is my star to come…  
(Wind Nocturne: LSSS check this link out, it is very cute   
and very sad, it has the song:   
http://www.geocities.co.jp/Milkyway-Lynx/9043/c-song.swf   
I hope that works. It has nothing to do with the story,   
I thought I would just share it.)  
  
A week has passed since Serena ran into Raye.   
A week has passed since she finally conquered enough courage to go home.   
A week has gone by since part of the past was resolved.   
It seemed too easy for her that her relationship with her parents has   
reconstructed itself to trust, love, and understanding. She couldn't help but   
feel as if there was a catch somewhere, that she missed something on the   
way there. She held a pen in her hand, and a newspaper on the other.   
She had nothing better to do today, than do the crosswords in the   
Newspaper, something she never did, but thought would try.   
Later, she would visit her parents again, and they would talk, and laugh.   
Everything would seem perfect. Yet, they would never   
forget the past, the silence. It was the silence that hurt them the  
most. She didn't understand why people always suggested to   
"forgive and forget". Things shouldn't be forgotten anyway, what   
lessons would you learn from forgotten mistakes?   
The phone ringing shook her awake from thinking.   
"Hold up...I almost got it......Hold on...I hate crosswords...  
...Okay, okay, fine!" She grabbed the phone and brought it by her   
ear, still half thinking about the answer.  
"Moshi moshi."  
"Hello? Serena?"   
"Speaking, who may I ask is this?" She wondered, the voice familiar, but   
unfamiliar...  
"It's Raye...uh, remember me?" A strong voice, sounding a little offended,   
said on the other line.  
"Raye! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize your voice..." she trailed off there,   
not wanting to offend her friend even more.  
"Don't' worry about it, I have like 10 pens in my mouth right now.   
Listen, you're probably wondering where I got your number, and why I'm   
calling you...I got it from Ally...and because I was wondering if you could meet   
me at the park in say...an hour?"   
"The park?"  
"Yes, I need to talk to you about something,"  
"Can't we talk about it on the phone?" Serena asked, unaware that she sounded a   
little snobbish.  
"Well, yeah, but I thought it'd be better to say it to you in person," Raye said,   
a little frustrated.  
"Oh...uh sure...whereabouts...No, that's not it..." she ended with inaudible whisper.  
"You'll spot me right off...I'll be the one waving at every car I see.   
Is an hour long enough?"  
"Yeah, sure. "  
"Okay, great, I'll see you then."  
"Okay."   
Serena hang up the phone.  
"Hmm...wonder what this is all about. Knowing my luck, she's going to start   
talking about how stupid I was...no...we're too mature for that...well, it's   
going to be bad news, I know it." She went back to her crossword...  
"SMAP!!…oh, it's not SMAP?! I give up!" She threw the newspaper on the table,   
grabbed a jacket and locked her apartment door. She laughed at the thought   
of Raye waving at every car. At their age it was funny, especially since she   
wasn't going to be driving a car to the park, but walking there. That's why   
she was already out of her apartment in two minutes. The day was gorgeous,   
like it should be for summer in Japan. She loved walking in the streets, even   
if all she saw were buildings upon buildings. Still, it was better than driving   
a car. She never felt comfortable behind a car anyway, she was always tense,   
and that was dangerous, she knew that.   
  
It didn't take her long to get to the park. She was 15 minutes early, even   
though she had stopped by an ice cream store, which happened to be on her   
way. It took her a while to decide between vanilla and chocolate, and in the   
end she took a double scoop of both. She looked around for Raye and saw no sign   
of her friend yet. She decided to sit at the first bench she saw. She looked at   
her watch. It was early; she remembered as a teenager during summer, she would   
still be asleep. It was strange how things change fast. Then again, nothing ever   
stayed the same; life wouldn't be worth living that way. There were a lot of   
joggers running about in the park, and she watched as each one of them huffed and   
puffed. She was glad she had great metabolism, even for her age, so that she   
wouldn't need to watch what she ate or exercise. That was one thing that never   
changed, her laziness. Although, it did improved.   
"Serena?" A hand came into view. She looked up and saw a smiling Raye, her hair   
tied behind her.   
"Good morning, Serena."  
"Hey, Raye, good morning," she smiled. Raye sits down besides her, folding her   
hands on her lap.  
"I didn't think you would be up this early, I mean it's barely 10 o'clock.   
I was a little hesitant in calling you, I didn't want to wake you up. I mean,   
I just thought, since you were taking a break that you would be sleeping in..."   
Raye began, choosing to end her sentence there.  
"Well, I would usually, but things change, you know. Habits are broken, sometimes   
anyway." They enjoyed a few minutes of silence before either one of them spoke again.  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Serena asked, looking at her friend.  
"Well, I know it's kind of a last minute thing, but the girls are getting together   
tonight," Raye said with hesitation, her cheeks turning pink.  
"Oh?" Serena raised an eyebrow in curiosity.   
"Yes, and I thought it would be like old times if you came too. It's just a sleep   
over at Lita's apartment. Would you be interested in coming?" Serena looked away   
and up at the sky. There wasn't much to see, just the blue sky up above and a   
couple of wispy clouds.   
"Sure, it's time for a reunion anyway, right?" she finally said.   
"Great!" Raye jumped up to her feet, excitement clearly showing in her voice and   
within her face.   
"I'm going to go tell the girls! See you later, Serena."  
"Raye, wait!" Serena yelled after her friend,  
"Yeah?"  
"Uh...what time? And Lita hasn't moved over the last few years has she?"  
"7 o'clock, right after dinner, I think. I really hope you come, but if you   
can't, call us please! And no, she hasn't moved! Bye!"   
'Why do you seem so excited, Raye? It really feels like we're still teenager...like   
we haven't grown up at all. I guess no one ever grows up, they just change."   
Serena said quietly to herself. "Still, it is exciting…if only things worked   
out the way we want them to. Perfectly."  
  
''''''''''''''''''  
  
Darien didn't know why he bothered to even come with the girls to lunch.   
They hardly talked to him most of the time. Usually he just sat there,   
eavesdropping once in a while and reading a book most of the time. Yet,   
somehow, he always seemed to be there.  
"Hey, Darien," 4 women greeted him as he sat down. The restaurant was not a   
fancy one. It was quiet though, and the food was great. One thing he really   
liked about it was the fact that it was clean!   
"Hey, girls, what's on the menu today?" He asked, feeling his stomach growl.   
He had neglected to eat breakfast this morning.  
"Same as usual, Kitty just came up and asked for our orders. We ordered for   
you if that's okay," Mina said, smiling.   
"Sure, as long as you ordered something nice." He chuckled, feeling a little   
strange. He saw each one of his friends smile at him, then frown, exchanging   
looks.   
"Wow, it's been a while since we heard you laugh, I mean even a chuckle!"   
Raye said, "What's up? Why are you suddenly so...well...kind of..."  
"Happy!" Lita finished for her. Each one of them eyed him, waiting for his   
response. He shrank back in his seats…Strange how embarrassed he felt.  
"Whoa…nothing, it's just such a beautiful day!" In fact he wasn't lying. He   
had nothing to be happy about, least of all the weather. He was mystified   
himself as to why he was so happy all of a sudden. After his run, he just felt...  
invigorated, as if a breath of fresh air healed all of his pains away. It was   
strange...really. He couldn't complain though, it was the first time he felt so   
light, as if a big burden on his shoulders had somehow been lifted.  
"You've got to be happy about something! You can't just be happy for the sake   
of happiness," Raye began.  
"Well, technically he can..."   
"Amy!" They glared at her, and when she shrank back into her seat, they fixed their   
eyes on him again.  
"Come on, Darien, we're your friends…friends don't keep secrets from one another,"   
Mina innocently said, putting on a puppy face.  
"Oh you know that's BS...come on guys, for real, I have no idea why I'm in such a   
good mood. I just...am...simple as that!" He lightly tapped the table as he ended   
his sentence, silencing the girls a little. They still didn't believe his reasoning,   
but not wanting to risk having him in a good mood, they backed off. A few minutes   
later, their lunch came.  
"So, are we excited about the Slumber Party?" Raye asked them, winking her eyes.   
Darien was silently reading his book at the corner, eating his lunch slowly, a  
nd pretending not to be listening.   
"Damn right we are! It's been such a long time since we were all there," Lita   
pointed out.   
"Hmm, I can't wait to see..." A hand clamped down on Mina's mouth, her words   
turning to mumbles. Darien looked up and frowned. Unsure as to why they were keeping   
something from him.  
"You can't wait to see what?" Darien asked Mina, staring at her with raised eyebrows.  
"Uh...she can't wait to see...what...I've done with my room!" Lita covered for her.  
"You did something with your room? Okay...then, why would you need to keep that a   
secret from me, Raye?" Darien now turned his gaze to Raye.  
"Um…well…because I...I...thought...that...Lita was...uh...still...uh...  
working on it."  
"So?"  
"So...um...I didn't want to...you know..."  
"No, I don't know." Raye sighed.  
"Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!"   
The others fell back...trying hard not to laugh. Darien almost fell off his seat.  
"Okay, I don't believe a word you say, but for once you are freaking me out, so I   
am just going back to my book now." Raye was secretly relieved that Darien didn't   
press for more. She patted her back for getting him off her case.  
"Is it for sure?" Amy asked quietly, hoping the others understood her question.  
"It is, it's for sure," Raye answered, eyeing Darien.  
"I'm glad, because things needed a change."  
"I know what you mean," Lita stated. The others nodded in excitement.   
To Darien it was weird. He believed none of what Raye had given him. He didn't   
understand what was going on! He supposed it was a girl thing, and it was something   
they would be too embarrassed with to tell him. He couldn't come up with another   
reason other than that. It seemed to make sense, though. He left it alone, for now   
anyway. A part of him, deep in his heart, hoped it was something else. That someone   
was coming, someone they haven't seen for a long time. He ignored that though, he   
didn't want to hope. He didn't even know what he would say to her,he wasn't even sure   
if he loved her still or not. It was foolish to love somebody for so long...  
it really was.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Again, I apologize that the story is a little screwed up. And on to Avril Lavigne,   
sorry I put that she was American, she is Canadian. I knew that, I was just watching   
American Idol so America came to mind. She's actually from a little town in Ontario,   
Canada...I think. Sorry. 


	7. Chapter 7

Here I Am  
Chapter 7  
  
Darien dropped the girls off at Lita's place at exactly 6:30.   
They wanted to be back by at least 6:45 or earlier, but no later.   
He didn't know why, since they were all together anyway. They spent   
the day together, not what Darien had planned. Sure, he loved the   
girls like his family, but he needed to hang out with his friends.   
He guessed it was because it was familiar...it just became a routine.  
"Want to come in for a drink or something, Darien?" Lita asked,   
sticking her head through the open window.   
"Sure..." he said. Usually that meant that Lita would hand him a can   
of coke, or some bottled water, then he would leave. It was all   
pretty routine.  
"Oh, while your still here, Darien, want to help us unload some of   
this stuff?" Raye said. He frowned.  
"What do you need all this stuff for? Isn't this just a slumber party?   
I mean, a one night thing?" He asked and at the same time, grabbing   
some of the bags that were earlier stuffed in his car.  
"None of your business. Now, get moving!" Raye said, still smiling.  
He dropped the bags on the Lita's couch, sighing deeply.   
"Okay, now where's that drink you were offering me, Lita?" He asked,   
looking inside her fridge. He wasn't surprised that her fridge was   
full of everything. Vegetables, dairy product etc. He saw some   
bottled water on the bottom and grabbed one.   
"So, what are you girls planning on cooking today?" He asked, hoping   
maybe it was something he would like.  
"A little bit of everything, chocolate cake, brownies, cookies..."  
"Anything healthy?" he teased them. "You know you can get fat with   
all that, you're not teenagers anymore."  
"We know! Don't remind us! Now, aren't you getting out of here?   
What time is it anyway?" Mina said, looking at the clock on the wall.   
"Wow, it's almost 7!"  
"Is it a good idea for…you know," Amy asked hesitantly. Darien was   
once again confused. They were communicating with their eyes,   
except he wasn't part of it.   
"What?!" he asked, not able to stand the silence anymore.  
"Nothing. Anyway, Darien, shouldn't you be going now? I thought you   
wanted to catch a movie with Andrew or something," Raye said,   
practically pushing him out the door.  
"When did I say that?"  
"I don't know, have fun!" She insisted, still pushing him towards   
his car.  
"Okay," He stepped in his car, turned it on and looked weirdly at   
Raye standing on the sidewalk, waving at him with a fake smile on   
her face. He waved back, and then pressed on the gas pedal. On the   
red light, he stopped and watched as a bus turned in.   
"Those girls are sure acting weird. I wonder what's on the agenda,"   
he said, watching the bus stop in front of Lita's apartment. As it   
moved away, the light turned green, allowing him to go. Yet, as he   
went, he couldn't help but glimpse at the woman standing on the   
curb where the bus had been a few seconds ago. But he didn't stop,   
he somehow felt like she was familiar. Of course, he didn't know   
anyone with short blonde hair. That was all he could make out from   
where he was. He kept on going, until he reached home.  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
"Okay, from what I remember, this is it," Serena said looking at   
the apartment building in front of her. She couldn't help but see   
a black-haired woman go inside, but she didn't bother to call out   
to her to hold the door. Instead, she grabbed her backpack and   
sauntered toward the door. She opened the first door and rang a bell   
on the next one. She heard a buzz and pulled the second door open.   
She breathed in deeply as she made her way to Lita's apartment suite.   
Lightly, she tapped on the door three times. When no one answered,   
she knocked louder. She closed her eyes and hoped she was at the   
right place. Feeling a little unsure, she decided to see if maybe   
the next door might know Lita personally, but as she turned away the   
door opened and she was greeted with a smile.   
"Serena..." Serena exhaled deeply and smiled in return.  
"Come on in..." A little afraid that she would wake up as if dreaming,   
Lita slowly walked aside to let Serena in. Inside, Serena was greeted   
with old friends, smiling and tears in their eyes. She heard the   
door close behind her, and as each one of her friend stood there   
looking at her, they were strangely feeling as if they were looking   
at a stranger. The long golden blonde meatballs were gone. Innocent   
blue eyes were replaced by eyes, which had seen many horrible things.   
The childlike aura that had once surrounded their friend had been   
replaced by that of womanhood. Yet, their heart knew that this was   
their long lost friend. For Raye, of course it was different, but   
the moment was memorable. There they were, standing at the same place,   
at the same time, smiling as if in a picture...it was something she   
had dreamed about for a long time. Of course, she being the one who   
had just seen Serena this morning, she cleared her throat and broke   
the spell.  
"Serena, glad you can make it! We were worried that you wouldn't   
remember Lita's place and they were giving me hell not to make sure   
that you had her address!!" She said, taking a hold of Serena's hand   
and leading her into Lita's living room. The other's followed   
without saying anything. Raye offered to take Serena's backpack,   
which she gladly gave to her friend. She sat down and took a look at   
her friend. Amy was still the same intelligent looking woman she   
remembered her to be. Mina looked like a superstar with her sunglasses   
on her head, and Lita was surprisingly the same! Except of course, her   
hair was down.   
"How have you guys been?" She asked timidly, intimidated by the way   
they looked at her.   
"Oh for God's sake, people! Snap out of it!!!!" Raye screamed at them.   
Serena couldn't help but laugh because it worked.   
"Uh, good, how have you been, Serena?" Amy said, sitting beside her.   
She didn't know why she was surprised to see Serena…she really didn't,   
like Mina and Lita didn't.  
"Yeah, Serena, we haven't seen you for a long time..."  
"Yeah, what have you been up to?" Serena smiled and answered all   
their questions. It wasn't much of a slumber party. They had stayed   
up all night talking about everything…what happened, what didn't h  
appen…the breakups, the romance…everything. But before any of them   
could sleep, they forgave each other for everything, for nothing.   
That's what friendship was for them, special and something to cherish.  
"Good night, girls," Serena said softly, closing her eyes.  
"Good night..." she heard each one of them answer in return. They   
slept well into the afternoon the next day. They were all in the   
living, music quietly playing in the background. A knock could still   
be heard at the door, an impatient man quietly in conflict with himself   
whether to just open the door or leave. He decided on the first option.   
The door, being neglected the night before, opened at the turn of the   
knob. He peeked inside, frowning because everything seemed to be quiet   
except for a little music. He walked inside, feeling a little guilty   
for being in there uninvited. It wasn't the first time though, they   
had forgotten about their lunch date before and he had found them in   
Lita's apartment munching on her food. It wasn't the case this time.   
No, this time, he found 5 women sleeping on the floor. He almost   
collapsed when his eyes fixed on the woman with blonde hair...the one   
that he had hoped was what the girls were excited about. There she was...  
  
'''''''' 


	8. Chapter 8

Here I Am   
Chapter 8  
  
Closed lids fluttered open, revealing to the afternoon sun two beautiful   
cerulean eyes. Serena sat up and looked around her. She thought she had   
heard a door close, but looking at her friends, all of them seem to be deep   
inside their dreams. She blinked once before assuming that she must've just   
been dreaming. It was then that her thoughts came back to the events from   
the night before. She was still in disbelief that things seemed to have been   
fixed. The long years of silence appeared to have been so far away now, and   
it was as if it had never happened. She got up and stretched, still a little   
drained. She gazed at the clock on the wall and discovered that it was nearly   
one in the afternoon. Quietly, she headed toward the bathroom, snatching a   
pair of underwear from her bag on the way there.   
The first thing she noticed as she strolled in the bathroom was her reflection.   
She seemed younger now; the lines of fatigue had somehow diminished   
below her eyes. Even though she didn't get enough sleep, they were hardly   
evident. Once more she grinned, turning on the shower. She stripped herself   
of her clothes and got under the streaming water.   
'I wonder if this will last,' she asked herself. 'I don't want to hope, but I can't   
help it. It's just too good to be true that my parents, and my friends have   
forgiven me. How could things be so easy?'   
In reality it did seem too good to be true. Life couldn't possibly be that easy,   
especially finding solutions to problems.   
'Perhaps life is easy, and we're the ones who create difficulty. Maybe for   
once, I should just let it play out, see what happens. I should just enjoy this   
while it last. Hmm, that's all I really have control of doing, instead of dreading   
the fact that it may not be forever. Nothing is everlasting, after all.' She   
supposed.   
Wrapping a towel around her, she stepped out of the bathtub, and hoped her   
friends were up; she didn't want to feel bad later for waking them. She smiled   
at the sight of them in the kitchen, drinking some tea.  
"Good morning, Serena!" They greeted as she went by and pass the kitchen.   
"Good morning!" She said in return, grabbing her bag and sticking her head in   
to ask Lita if she could use her room to change.  
"Yes, of course you can. Want some tea?" Lita inquired, a smile on her face.  
"Sure. I'll be right back," she informed them, as she headed towards Lita's   
room.  
"Hey, Raye," Lita said turning to Raye beside her. "Glad you came up with   
this idea, and glad you told us that Serena was back."   
"Well, silence isn't my thing. If I know that something can be fixed, I'll do   
everything I can to fix it." They chuckled and thought about that for an instant.   
True, Raye never gave up that easily, and true she did fix it...but on the other   
hand they couldn't help but feel as if the problem was going to fix itself if they   
had given it a little more time. Each one swept the thought aside, the problem   
was fixed and that's all they really cared about. Lita stood up, and took a   
small china cup out of one of the cabinets.  
"So what should we do today?" Amy asked, hair in a small ponytail, hands on   
her lap and a smile pasted on her face.  
"I think we should just hang around the house," Mina suggested, leaning back   
against her chair and putting her feet up the table. Raye brushed them aside,   
giving Mina an amused look. Mina laughed and placed her feet back on the   
floor.   
"Haha, sorry Raye," she apologized.  
"Hey...did anybody call Darien to cancel lunch?" Lita inquired out of nowhere,   
her thought still on the hot tea as she poured it in the cup.  
"No...I presumed you talked to him about that yesterday," Raye said looking   
at Lita. Lita shook her head, still into making Serena tea, not really realizing   
what she was saying.  
"Oops...um...maybe he assumed we weren't going to come..." Amy   
suggested, but trailed off...she knew that Darien would still have thought   
there was a lunch because they were all together, he didn't know about Serena.  
"Wait...what if he visited us earlier, and we just didn't hear him?" stated Mina.  
"Well, then that's good, we can explain later that we overslept..." Lita said   
finally paying attention to the conversation.  
"Wait, he wouldn't have just barged in here like the last time we did   
that...would he?" Raye mentioned, interrupting Lita's sentence. She was   
sitting up right now, like the rest of them, Lita finishing Serena's tea. She   
placed it in front of the empty seat and sat back down.  
"How could he, the door was locked," Mina told them, breathing more freely   
as the conversation seem to stray off the bad road. All of them hated the   
thought of Darien finding about Serena like that. They had planned something   
else earlier, and if he had, then their plans would be ruined.  
"Oh, good...are you sure?" Lita asked, looking at the door. They all turned to   
the door adjacent from the room. It was then that Serena made her entrance,   
fully dressed now.  
"Uh, Serena, can you check if the door's locked?" Raye asked her politely,   
hoping it was. All four of them went rigid as Serena approached the door.  
"Nope, I guess we forgot to lock it last night," Serena smiled, and then   
frowned as she glimpsed each one of her friend's faces. All had turned pale,   
and uncertainty dwelled in their eyes.  
"What? What's wrong?" She asked, taking a seat in the only vacant spot   
around the table. They shared a worried look, but it was Raye that said,  
"Nothing, we were just talking about how there are so many criminals in the   
city...you know," Raye said, hoping Serena got the idea.  
"Oh yeah? Hmm...I thought the criminal rate was under control. You know   
how safe Tokyo is..." Serena said, wondering what in the world her friends were   
saying.  
"Oh...okay, I'll be honest. I had a bad dream last night," Lita said, hoping her   
excuse made more sense.   
"Oh, okay..." Serena said hesitantly, not sure if Lita was being serious. She   
decided to just let it go. "Well, I hope it wasn't that bad a dream," When she   
saw Lita shake her head, she continued on to change the subject. "So, what   
are we going to do today?" She asked, an excited aura about her. The others   
exchanged looks and only smiled. What were they going to do?   
"You know, why don't you guys plan it out, I've just got to make a phone call,"   
Raye suggested as she got up.   
"Maybe we should all get dressed first, huh? Then we'll go out to eat, and   
we'll decide from there," Mina remarked, pointing out that they were still in   
their PJs.  
"Oh, yeah!"  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Darien woke up to find himself sprawled in his bed. At first he wasn't certain   
how he had gotten there, but it wasn't even an instant after the thought   
crossed his mind that he remembered. He closed his eyes and took a deep   
breath, sitting up in the process.   
'What am I suppose to do now? I can't act as if I don't know that she's here!"   
Different scenes flashed in his mind of what would play out if they happened   
to come face to face. One of them had him going back to Lita's apartment,   
and taping on the door. Serena would open it, see him and smile. He would   
smile too. They would stand there for what seems like eternity, until Serena   
finally takes a step toward him and wrap her arms around his waist. He would   
cling to her forever.  
"But that's not going to happen!" He shouted, throwing his fist in the air as if to   
strike the image to pieces. The telephone rang beside him. It seemed   
hopeless for him to answer it; it would only be Kim or someone else he didn't   
want to talk to at that moment. He allowed it to ring, and turned his attention   
to his watch. It was close to 2 PM, he had been sleeping for a couple of   
hours. He didn't even remember if he had a dream. Still, the phone kept   
ringing beside him. He stared at it with annoyance in his eyes.   
"Gee, why can't they ever get the idea that I'm not home!" He grabbed the   
receiver and placed it against his ear. He waited before he said "hello."  
"Darien? It's Raye," Yes, it was Raye, her voice grave. He didn't know what to   
say. Should he ask her how Serena was...or just pretend he never even saw   
her? He decided on the latter, he would figure it out later.  
"Hey, Raye, where were you guys?" He said, his voice hesitant and distant.   
"Sorry we couldn't meet you for lunch, we kind of overslept," Raye said on the   
other line. He noticed the uneasiness in her voice. He wasn't easily fooled,   
even if he hadn't seen Serena, he would be suspicious of them hiding   
something. Raye wasn't easily fooled either, she knew when someone was   
lying or when they were being honest.   
"I see," was the only thing he could say to her remark. A few seconds of   
silence followed before either one of them spoke again.  
"So, you did barge into Lita's apartment didn't you?" Raye inquired.  
"What are you talking about?" He asked her, pretending he had no idea what   
she was saying.  
"You know what I'm talking about," she said, pausing before she continued.   
"You saw her didn't you, Darien?" He didn't know what hurt most then, that   
his friends had been hiding Serena from him...or the fact that there was a   
possibility she didn't want him to know. He chose to be honest, what use   
would lying be? Raye would know anyway.   
"Yes, I saw her." Then it was as if Raye read his mind; he wasn't amazed that   
she could.  
"Don't' be angry we didn't tell you...I only just found out and so did the   
others." He nodded to himself, and looked out the window. Somehow he   
believed her, Raye wasn't one to hide the truth. She was always upfront.  
"Hmm...how is she?" He asked her, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat,   
'Ahem.'  
"Why don't you just ask her yourself? You know she's here..."  
"No. She doesn't want me to know, and I'm going to respect that," He   
interrupted her. On the other line Raye frowned.  
"You're afraid, that's what you are. You'll have to face her sooner or later,"  
"I am afraid...because I don't know her anymore, and she doesn't know me.   
We've become strangers. It's life, time changes people."  
"Doesn't mean you don't love her anymore...I know you do," Raye whispered   
quietly to herself, but he heard her.  
"It doesn't matter, does it? She doesn't love me anymore." Raye wondered   
why he would say something like that. Over the years he had changed, he   
seemed more distant. She understood why, he loved Serena with all his life,   
all his heart and soul. When she left, he lost that hope of living.   
"Listen, Darien, you can think what you want, but you won't know the truth   
until you ask, will you? If you don't take the risk, then what will you learn?   
Nothing. You'll just keep wondering about it until you go insane. Do you want   
that? Maybe she's as scared as you are, did you ever stop and think about   
that? I'm your friend, and I'm her friend...I'm not going to let fear break both of   
your hearts. Life is short you know, and when you find that somebody that   
can love you as much as you love them, don't let them slip away from your   
life. Think about it." There she hung up, leaving Darien stunned and thinking.   
Slowly he placed the receiver back down. He knew she was right, he would   
always wonder, and would live to regret it if he never tried. He opened a   
drawer an arms length away from him. Inside he found a picture, one he   
would always cherish. It seemed just like yesterday he was holding Serena,   
and she was looking up at him with those beautiful eyes. He traced the outline   
of her face, and stared deeply into those eyes. He closed his own and tried to   
imagine what it was like staring into her blue pool. It was bliss. Her eyes   
always made him feel whole, warm...happy. He turned away and threw the   
picture back inside the drawer, shutting it with a thud. He couldn't do it...he   
couldn't possibly take another risk, only to have his heart broken into smaller   
pieces. Even though he knew, he knew he would regret his decision for the   
rest of his life.  
  
----  
  
sorry, nothing special happening here. Still too much homework to really  
think about the story, sorry everyone. 


	9. Chapter 9 to Epilogue

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owner.  
A/N: This will be chapters 9, 10, and a very short and crappily made Epilogue.   
I just really need to finish this story so I don't have to worry about it. :O)   
Enjoy!   
  
Here I Am  
Chapter 9  
  
Serena walked into the kitchen, and sat quietly down in a chair across Amy.   
Amy had the newspaper positioned out in front of her on the kitchen table, her   
attention intent on what she was reading. Serena looked at her for a moment,   
and then placed her hands on her lap, turning her face to the small window   
overlooking the neighborhood. Her eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes became   
distant.   
'Could it be?' She asked. 'Then someone was here this morning, I did hear   
the door close,' she said to herself. 'I knew this was too good to be true!   
Something always have to come up, and...ruin everything.' Her eyes dropped   
down to the ground, a tear barely forced back into its hiding place.   
'What do I do?' she asked herself. Surprisingly a small voice answered her   
question in this tiny timid way of uncertainty, but was quite confident in its   
own way.  
'Do the right thing, that's the only thing you can do," it said.  
'What is the right thing?'  
'You know as well as I, that Darien deserves to know that you're here, that   
you somehow kept your promise. He deserves to know why you never told   
him, and if...'  
'If what?'  
'If you still love him, isn't that what he's worried about?'  
'I don't know,'  
'Yes, you do know. You can't hide forever from destiny.'  
'Destiny?...This has nothing to do with destiny...'  
'Then what?'  
'Oh destiny doesn't control life...life control's destiny, a person can control   
destiny.'  
'Then why don't you choose the destiny where you will always be happy,   
safe, and loved? Why not control your own?'  
'Because...'  
'Because what?'  
"Serena? Serena? Are you okay?" Serena's thought was interrupted by a soft,   
worried voice. She looked up from the ground, and across the table.  
Amy was looking worriedly at her, "Are you okay, Serena?" she repeated.  
"Yeah, I'm fine...I guess, I'm just a little bit tired," Serena laughed. She   
cleared her throat and took a deep breath, putting a smile on her face in the   
process. "So, when do we get going?"   
"Right now! Raye is finally ready! So, come on, I am starving!" Mina said   
rushing to the two of them. She grabbed Serena to her feet and did the same   
to Amy.   
"Mina, calm down, we're coming," Amy laughed amused.  
"But I'm so hungry!" she said, putting on a teenage puppy face.  
"Okay, we're coming, who's driving?" Serena asked.  
"Uh, well, my car is still in the shop," Lita informed her.   
"And uh...we didn't bring any of our cars," Mina covered, not wanting to say   
that Darien had given them a lift the night before.  
"How did you guys get here last night then?" Serena asked them, looking   
each of them in turn.  
"Bus?" Amy said when Serena had looked at her.  
"Oh, right...that's how I got here. So, I guess we're walking there?"  
"Walk! Oh, come on, I am so hungry!" Mina whined. Lita and Amy shook their   
head, while Serena smiled in amusement, her eyes fixated on Raye.   
'What are you thinking about, Raye?' she asked quietly in the comfort of her   
mind. She noticed Raye's silence...and Raye, finally looking up to meet   
Serena's eyes, noticed her suspicion. The raven-haired woman smiled   
innocently at her, sighing and rolling her eyes to show her impatience about   
Mina's whining.  
"Mina, come on, your acting like you're still a teenager!" Raye commented.  
"I wish I was!" Mina remarked. The others laughed. Finally, Mina caved in and   
allowed the idea of walking to sink in her hungry stomach. They walked out of   
the apartment one by one, Serena's eyes still fixated on Raye.   
  
'Listen, Darien, you can think what you want, but you won't know the truth   
until you ask, will you? If you don't take the risk, then what will you learn?   
Nothing. You'll just keep wondering about it until you go insane. Do you want   
that? Maybe she's as scared as you are, did you ever stop and think about   
that? I'm your friend, and I'm her friend...I'm not going to let fear break both of   
your hearts. Life is short you know, and when you find that somebody that   
can love you as much as you love them, don't let them slip away from your   
life. Think about it.'   
  
Raye's voice echoed in Serena's mind. She didn't know why she had   
somehow felt as if she needed to hurry Raye along with her phone call. She   
had stood outside of Lita's room, a door in between what was being said   
inside, and herself. Serena knew she wasn't supposed to hear that, it wasn't   
even right for her to listen. Yet, when she heard the name "Darien," her entire   
body stood rigid, as if expecting something to arrive. What did he think? What   
would he wonder about? All those questions popped into her head, as Raye   
continued talking on the phone. When she heard footsteps inside, she knew   
Raye had finished, and that was the time her body decided to move. She   
walked away slowly...not wanting Raye to hear her own footsteps.   
'Life is short you know, and when you find that somebody that can love you   
as much as you love them, don't let them slip away from your life.'   
Raye was right, and Serena knew it.  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Darien walked out onto the balcony, the noon sun bathing him in its warm   
light.   
"Life used to be so much simpler...now, all I do is sulk around this place.   
What's wrong with me?"  
'Nothing,' appeared a reply. Darien sighed.  
"Then why do I feel like jumping off this balcony?" He looked down from   
where he was. He was up pretty high, and a picture of him lying sprawled on   
the ground, blood seeping from his entire body to the open pavement   
suddenly flashed through his thoughts. He shuddered.   
'It's heartache,' his conscience said, sounding sickened.  
"I want it to go away," he commanded.  
'It won't go away,' it said in a straightforward manner.  
"Why not? I can't even control my own emotions?"  
'Not in the matters of love,'  
"Love, what is so different that love has to be unique?"  
'Everything that comes with it,'   
"What's that?"   
'Happiness, comfort, safety, and fulfillment...the list goes on.'   
"You can get that from anywhere, anything...anyone."  
'Can you?' Darien wasn't sure...he always thought he could.   
"Well, aren't you missing something?" Darien said impatiently.  
'Heartache, pain, lost...?'  
"Yes,"  
'Love is not evil...heartache only comes because when someone you love   
leaves, everything seems empty without meaning. At one time, when all you   
knew was acceptance, it did. Pain only comes because you once knew the   
feeling of pure bliss, and when it left, pain took over its place, because every   
other feeling doesn't compare to it. Lost comes, because you once knew who   
you were and what it felt like to have everything, now you don't, not without   
that special someone. It may sound evil, but no, it is only life. Without pain   
you wouldn't know when to be happy. Without lost, you wouldn't know the   
preciousness of what you have found...'  
"It doesn't matter...it doesn't matter," Darien interrupted himself, he couldn't   
believe that even his own conscience would give him a lecture.   
'Doesn't it?' He knew it was right. It seemed weird how one side of him   
always had to argue with the other.   
"What do I do now?"  
'What you were afraid to do before...you want it to stop? Death won't make it   
stop.'  
"I want it to stop...but it's harder said than done."  
'Isn't everything?'   
He shook his head and took one last look at the ground. Turning around, he   
walked back inside his bare apartment. The clock on the wall reminded him of   
the time, it was early into the summer evening. Where would they be now?   
He took a breath and picked up the phone, dialing Lita's number.  
"Hi, you have reached Lita, but unfortunately I am not home right now. If you   
would kindly leave a message, your name and phone number, I will get back   
to you as soon as I can...BEEP."   
The answering machine clicked, and Darien placed the phone back down.   
"This is either a sign, or..."  
'Don't rely on fate to bring you happiness, catch it yourself.' He hated himself,   
where did all this wisdom suddenly come from? It was like another part of him   
had just been awakened.  
"I wouldn't know where to find it..."  
'Where you would expect her to be,'  
"I don't know where that is, I told you!"  
'Okay, I'll tell you...try her parents house, maybe they know her address!' He   
cringed...would her parents want to speak to her? He searched around his   
bedroom to find his old address book. Under T. there it was, her name. He   
picked up the phone, and slowly dialed the number.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"Hello?" a soft voice finally answered the ringing phone. Darien imagined the   
smiling face of Mrs. Tsukino on the other line as she waited patiently for an   
answer.  
"Good evening, Mrs. Tsukino...it's Darien," he merely said, hoping she would   
not hang up on him. He heard scuffling, then a sigh as Mrs. Tsukino made up   
her mind about what to do.  
"Good evening to you too, Darien," she finally answered. "How have you   
been?" He sensed coldness in her voice...he understood why, but couldn't   
help feel the stabbing pain in his heart. He respected her more than she   
knew.  
"I'm been better..." he could only answer as his throat turned dry. He quietly   
cleared his throat, and continued on. "I know, I'm probably the last person you   
thought you would ever speak to again...but..." He looked down at his shoes,   
as if she was standing in front of him.  
"...I'm sorry for everything, Mrs. Tsukino. You have no idea...how sorry I am."  
He heard a sign on the other line, and then another moment of silenced   
passed between them.  
"Everything has been forgiven, Darien. Thank you for apologizing," Darien   
smiled, and took a seat on the couch close to him.  
"I wanted to inquire about something, Mrs. Tsukino."  
"About Serena you mean?" He wasn't surprised that she knew whom it was   
he called about. She always was the one to understand people's problems.  
"Yes,"  
"Well, she's not here right now, but I'll tell her you called,"  
"Oh no, please...I'm actually wondering about her current address. I think it is   
time to solve whatever this problem is, face to face."  
"You're probably right. All right, I've seen enough heart ache to last a life   
time..." Darien didn't know what she meant by that...how could she have   
known what he was feeling. For a long time now, they haven't seen each   
other, nor talked to one another. It was strange that she would know...  
'Of course she would know, she knew how much you loved her daughter.' His   
conscience gave him an answer. As he sat there, listening to the address, his   
mind raced about what he would say. Different possibilities of what would   
happen played like movie previews in his mind. One after another they   
flashed, some ending happy, others ending sadly. He hoped it wasn't the   
latter.  
"Thank you, thank you for everything,"  
"Don't let fear stand in the way of true love, Darien...would you do that for   
me?"   
"Huh? Yes, I will,"  
"Thank you...good night, dear."  
"Good night," He slowly placed the phone back on the receiver. He sat there   
for a while, memorizing Serena's new address. He knew she wouldn't be   
home yet; she would still be out with the others. He would get ready for now.   
  
'''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Serena dropped her bag onto the wooden chair beside the door. The small   
round clock on the wall read 1:00 AM. She would've stayed at Lita's again   
tonight, but she wanted some time for herself after what she had overheard   
earlier in the day. Slowly she took off her shoes and set them aside, and then   
she grabbed her bag once again, this time heading for her room. She placed   
it just under the queen-sized bed occupying it.   
She brushed a loose hair from her eye, and walked to the window. Folding her   
arms across her chest she stared at the outside world. The sky   
was cloudless, and so the full moon seemed to shine brighter than usual.   
Stars enveloped the black space, and it was beautiful. For a while she forgot   
about what she wanted to think about. For a while, all she saw were the stars   
and the moon.   
'It's amazing,' she thought.   
  
*Music in the background starts: ("Chance" by: ME!)*  
  
= I wonder where you are tonight  
why I find myself alone in the darkness  
I wonder how the night can be so beautiful  
When all I feel is loneliness, heavy in my heart =  
  
It was a silent night; everyone had probably gone to sleep. She could hear a   
dog bark from somewhere down the street, but it was all she heard.   
  
= Oh I close my eyes and see you standing there beside me  
I wonder if your thinking about me too  
I close my eyes and then I see you kissing her  
And I wonder if you love her, is it true? =  
  
She took a seat at a cushioned chair, just on her right, her eyes still gazing at   
the stars.   
  
= I've cried tears of sorrow  
I've known pains of tomorrow  
All I see is you walking by, and I wonder...=  
  
For minutes she sat there, her legs crossed, her hands holding one another,   
just staring at the sky. Her face glistened under the moonlight, as tears began   
to freely flow from her eyes.   
  
= Is there a chance, that I can feel happy?  
Is there a chance, that I will feel your arms around me?  
A chance when we're together,  
A chance when we're forever,  
A chance, a hope, that we find one another?  
oh... =  
  
She didn't notice them, or questioned why her vision just suddenly blurred.   
The scene before her had mesmerized her just like that.  
  
= Is there a chance, that I can feel happy?  
Is there a chance, that I will feel your arms around me?  
A chance when we're together,  
A chance when we're forever,  
A chance, a hope, that we find one another?  
oh... = (music fades)  
  
A soft knock from her apartment door broke the night's spell. She took a deep   
breath and frowned. Bringing a finger to her cheek; she felt the wet marks her   
tears had left as they trickled down from her eyes. She quickly wiped them off   
and stood up from where she sat.   
Another knock came, a little bit louder, and she suddenly remembered why   
she was getting up.  
"Who could that be?" she wondered. She made her way to her door, and   
grasped the doorknob.  
"Who is it?" she whispered, not wanting to wake any of the neighbors.  
"It's me," was the only answered she received. It was enough for her to know   
who it was. She braced herself, and threw open the door.   
Darien Chiba stood in front of her, a sad smile on his face, and a dark   
glaze over his eyes.  
"Come in," she said, stepping to the side to give him room. He nodded and   
stepped inside. He was greeted with a simple apartment, clean and   
surprisingly organized. Serena closed the door behind him, and told him to sit   
down.  
"Can I get you anything?" she asked him, avoiding his eyes.  
"No thanks," he answered, sitting down in the couch facing the small TV in the   
room. She sat down beside him, leaving a gap in between them. She played   
with her hands, not understanding why he was here...how he was here...  
"How are you?" she heard him ask. She smiled, and cleared her throat.  
"I've been better, but I can't complain either," she told him, although her reply   
didn't really answer the question. "And you?" It was then that she brought her   
eyes to look at him. She saw him staring towards the outside of the balcony   
doors. He must've caught a glimpse of the night sky. For some reason   
unknown, she didn't recognize him. His shoulders stooped, his hands in tight   
fists. She swallowed, and took another deep breath, turning her gaze back to   
her hands. It was a while before he answered.  
"I've been better." There was an awkward silence that passed through the   
room as Darien continued to gaze at the night scene, and Serena at her   
hands.  
"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" she asked, as silence finally exited out of the   
room.  
"Yes, it is, I didn't really notice it until now," Darien said as if he was dreaming.  
"What brings you here, Dare?" Serena finally asked, not wanting another   
awkward silence to find them.   
"I don't know," he simply said, still gazing at the stars.  
"Oh," she brushed another loose hair from her eyes, placing it behind her   
ears.  
"I talked to your mom, she gave me your address, just in case you were   
wondering," he informed her.  
"I see." It was the only thing she could say, she was speechless at this point   
in time. This time, she couldn't help but let silence pass by again. Silence   
stayed longer though, as the two of them sat there, deep into their own   
thoughts.  
"Darien, what are you really doing here?"  
"I just wanted to see you, that's all," he said finally taking his eyes off of the   
night sky. He turned his gaze on the blank TV screen, and watched Serena's   
reflection.   
  
(music starts again, second verse)  
= I don't want loneliness to hold me forever  
I don't want happiness to leave me altogether   
I don't want pain to follow me wherever I go  
And I don't, no I don't want emptiness,   
to hold my hand when you're not there =  
  
"I'm sorry," she said to him.  
"I don't think you owe me any apologies, Serena."  
"Don't I? I hate myself, Darien. I let fear, and stupidity rule my thoughts, my   
heart. It wasn't right of me to let you hope, interfere with your life, and make   
you wait for me. So I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry." She   
could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn't summon up enough strength to   
look back.  
  
= And I don't, no I don't want emptiness,   
to hold my hand when you're not there =  
  
"Isn't it funny how one misunderstanding can change so much?" Darien   
laughed. Serena stared at him, and watched him as he grinned. He   
looked at her again, but this time met the bluest eyes in the world. He sighed,   
feeling content just to look at those eyes, but she frowned at him.  
"No, it's not funny...it hurts," Serena whispered, her eyes telling him more than   
she was willing to. He felt a pang of pain in his heart, as he glimpsed the tears   
trying to escape from her eyes now.  
  
= Because I love you, I need you  
I can't live without you,  
Because I know you, you need me   
You can't live without me too...=  
  
"I can't expect you to forgive me, but please, don't laugh. How many people   
did I hurt, because of one stupid mistake? Because I was irresponsible, and   
unwilling to listen or even act like an adult and find out what was going on?"   
Serena caught herself and turned away. This was not what she imagined to   
do when she finally saw him again. She wanted him to see how strong she   
was, not how little she had changed.  
"I'm sorry, Serena, I didn't mean to laugh," Darien apologized; still breathless   
from the blow of pain he had felt seeing her so hurt.  
  
= I've cried tears of sorrow  
I've known pains of tomorrow  
All I see is you walking by, and I wonder...=  
  
"It's pretty late you know," was the only thing she said in response. He took a   
quick look at the time, she was right, it was late, but he needed to see her so   
badly.  
"I know,"  
"I'm pretty tired,"  
"I see," Serena felt that just because she was tired, Darien would not leave.   
"I was supposed to be at Lita's tonight," she told him.  
"Really? What are you doing here then?"  
"I needed to think,"  
"Why?"  
  
= Is there a chance, that I can feel happy?  
Is there a chance, that I will feel your arms around me?  
A chance when we're together,  
A chance when we're forever,  
A chance, a hope, that we find one another?  
oh... =   
  
"I heard Raye talking to you,"   
"Oh,"  
"I'm not angry...I think I'm glad,"  
"Are you?" Darien closed the gap between them as Serena's voice softened   
to the point that he could barely hear her. She turned to look at him and found   
his face so close. She didn't pull back; she merely stared at his eyes.  
"Yes," she said. His eyes warmed a little, as the glaze began to melt.  
"I guess you heard everything then?"  
"You guess right,"  
  
= Oh I've cried tears of sorrow  
I know pains of tomorrow  
And all I see is you walking by, and I wonder  
Oh chance, can't I just feel happy?  
Chance, can't he just hold me? =  
  
"It hurt, Serena, when you didn't come back after you promised. It hurt to the   
point that I wanted to kill myself. I'm not telling you this because I want you to   
feel guilty, no, I'm telling you this because I have to. Every second of every   
minute, every hour of every day I thought of you. There was no one else. It   
hurt so badly because I woke up every morning and you weren't there. It was   
like loneliness all over again, except this time it was even more painful   
because I was lost without a light in the dark. Everywhere I turned there was   
an invisible wall, and I couldn't go anywhere. I saw nothing; heard nothing, felt   
nothing...I was empty. I waited for you, not because you asked me to, I   
waited for you because I needed you. There would've been no one else to   
guide be out of the darkness except you," he paused to search her eyes. He   
saw surprised and doubt in them, but also admiration...yes, and love.   
  
= Is there a chance, that I can feel happy?  
Is there a chance, that I will feel your arms around me?  
A chance when we're together,  
A chance when we're forever,  
A chance, a hope, that we find one another?  
oh... =   
  
"You were the one to find me long ago, to bring me out of that darkness   
where I had grown up in. You were the only one who had succeeded in trying.   
I wanted to give up, and I did give up...but it was no use, I still needed you,   
still...love you." Tears now flowed from Serena's eyes, as her entire being   
was flooded with the feeling of pure happiness. She shook her head, and   
looked away.  
  
= Oh chance, bring us together, =  
  
"Why me, Darien?" He closed his eyes, and grabbed hold of her hands.   
"Because real love was all I needed, and I found it there in your heart."   
She looked at him once again. Darien brushed loose hair from her face,   
placing it back behind her ears. His hand traced her jaw line and settled on   
her cheek. Serena closed her eyes, and wondered...  
  
= Oh chance, give us forever, =  
  
'How can it be this easy? After all the pain I've caused?'  
"I love you, Serena," Darien whispered to her ears as he brought her close to   
him, wrapping his arms around her. She brought her own around his neck,   
and sobbed into his chest.   
'Love forgives all,' was the answer to her question.  
  
= Oh chance, oh hope...protect our love =   
  
  
  
Here I am  
Short Epilogue  
  
"Mommy! Daddy's home!!" A little girl of 4 ran up to Serena and pulled gently   
at her apron.  
"Honey, I'm home!" A man's voice came from the door.  
"We're in the kitchen, Darien!" She shouted back at him, pushing her child   
gently to greet his father.  
"Uh-oh," he heard her husband say, chuckling to himself.  
"Oh, Darien!" Serena frowned at him as he came in sight. He smiled and   
came over to her, the little girl in his arms. He lightly kissed her lips, winking   
at her.  
"Eww...Daddy, Mommy!" The little girl said. They laughed, and Darien placed   
her back down on her feet.   
"Is the babysitter here yet?" He asked her.  
"Not yet, but..." The doorbell interrupted her, "There she is now."   
"Good," Darien headed towards the door.  
"Can I stay up late and watch the meteor shower?" The little girl asked looking   
up at her mother.  
"Now, honey, you know today's a school night," Her mother told her, licking   
her finger and wiping the pen mark off her child's face.  
"But, it's a work night and you two are staying up!"  
"Well...that's different,"  
"How?" Serena rolled her eyes and laughed.  
"Okay, all right, if you can stay up that late, then you can."  
"REALLY, Mommy?"   
"Yes, really," Serena knelt down on her knee and gave her daughter a hug.  
"What was that for?"  
"Nothing, can't a mother just give her child a hug?"  
"Well, yes, unless it's in front of my friends!"  
"Haha, okay, I know that rule, come on, let's go see if that's the babysitter."  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: I am not very good at endings, so, please forgive the crappy ending of this story.   
Now, back to my homework, and studying for a test. :O) 


End file.
